#but its so weird bc like if i DO go on grindr lots of people want to talk to me

[davespwite]

,aaaa

[witchdisk]

have you done scarification stuff for people before? it’s really cool how did you get into it

OH WHOOPS this was sitting in drafts for ages I'm sorry!!

I've done two skin removal pieces, a couple scratches that scarred, I think one thing with a blade, and one needle brand? So some but not a ton. and well, "people"... idk about that part lol

for my birthday early this year, my sister cut and branded me. it was my first time where someone else left scars on me. it was very meaningful, we did a whole ritual about it, initiatory queer coming-of-age/promise to live another year/love letter to myself kind of thing. probably changed the trajectory of my life forever? but we did this because my sister had gotten a very similar scar for its birthday a couple weeks prior. I finished its one by doing a brand underneath it (my first time scarring someone). here's what mine looks like today (the x with an underscore):

then a couple months later, a friend of mine who was sharpening her nails into points opened me up for like 5 faggots to drink my blood. inspiration, I started sharpening mine as well and I used them to great effect. highly recommend!! it's so fun being able to go "hey can I scratch you right now? like really hard? can I leave a scar? you really sure? okay!" even if you don't scar it can feel really nice :3

then I got into painting on people! this was really fun! this got me a little more comfortable working like, intentionally and carefully on others' bodies. I've written up my method for fairly long lasting ink/paint here:

and then one thing led to another and there was this force of nature who I wanted to get to know ( @spatchganker ), so I asked about the skin removal I had heard it was doing and if it could teach me... I did some work on it and have helped it do work on others.

so really there were a lot of disparate influences, but they came from knowing weird faggots irl, which happened bc someone I met off grindr invited me to a local tranny discord server, where I had good enough opinions about books that I was invited to play board games.

[fagcrisis]

SPOILERS

so, as you all know i went into this with haterism in my heart. i dont trust neil gaiman to make a good series of television (and he didnt!) and i especially dont trust him to write good gay rep because ive read. literally everything hes ever written i know what hes like

i did however first read good omens the book the myth the legend at the tender age of 11 and im not ashamed to say watching this season made me legitimately insane. its very hard to formulate critical thoughts about this show when i just saw one of my favorite characters in literature ever gay kiss. BUT IM GOING TO TRY

first of all the plot is kind of nonsensical. the intrigue of what mightve happened to gabriel is interesting, but i do not feel like the eventual reveal of his relationship with beelzebub was set up in any manner. the only reason i spotted that beelzebub seemed weirdly fixated on finding him was because i saw spoilers about this plotline first and knew to expect it. i feel like because this obviously was not at all present in season one, aziraphale's investigation should have revealed a lot more about their relationship because as it stands, the main reason he went to edinburgh was to say the word grindr and have a flashback

the pressure and the villains this season didnt really feel, well real. the angels are bumbling idiots and while shax is initinally presented as somewhat competent, the demons also turn out to be kind of bumbling idiots. there is not really any danger presented to our protagonists, and the pressure to get maggie and nina together is also not really something that plays a role (due to muriel being a bumbling idiot), although that plotline i didnt actually hate but more on that later.

i still dont understand why the angels didnt recognize metatron when he was there at gabriels trial and he is like, as far as i can tell their boss. him being the sort of final villain/main villain of s3 possibly didnt feel like a reveal but thats bc ive seen supernatural and read his dark materials. its not a bad twist and i do feel like any urban fantasy involving christianity is inevitabely gonna end up at metatron being the final boss bc how are you gonna involve god and make him evil. supernatural nonwhitstanding they were smoking crack at that point. anyway i dont neccesarily hate him showing up but it was in somewhat of a weird manner.

ALSO people jumped to the conclusion that he wrote this season so quickly guys this is NOT supernatural u cant explain bad writing away diagetically

despite the bad writing me and @totopopopo had a great time and thats partially due to mental illness but its also due to the fact that tennant and sheen are, incredible. they absolutely carried this show, it was kind of an experiment in how much bad writing can these amazing actors make you forget about. they looked like they were having fun the whole time and they made me have fun too. despite my issues with the story i cant say i didnt have a ball on this bitch because watching michael sheen prance around and queen out while david tennant reprises his famous role in the ministry of silly walks and stares at aziraphale like he wants to eat him was basically everything ive ever needed in this show. i would watch these two say anything and id enjoy it

now onto their relationship and also maggie and nina, because i haven't slept well and have not been able to decide how i feel about this. i feel like their relationship was done well but thats like 80% due to the actors being good and only like 15% due to the script, the rest is all in my head. i did really enjoy the both of them getting deeply invested in these womens' lives for the sake of sort of vicariously living out their own desires, even if it felt a little bit rushed and also the talk they gave to crowley at the end was really funny and cute but it was also like, twitterspeak which annoyed me

overall i dont think i can be an objective judge of how it went because my head is literally just ineffable husbands gay moments compilation on loop atm. i liked it and i dont think it was like, offensive in any manner but i also do think its mostly on the actors understanding their characters very well

the final verdict is that if you dont care deeply about this story then its not really a must watch, it felt like a rushed season that needed a lot more episodes and time to breathe, as well as some fucking script revisions. however it is kind of fun and if your standards are not very high and you want to see david tennant sit on chairs in entirely new ways i recommend watching it with friends. if you do care deeply about this story however you will become insane

ps.: hes totally raphael

i woke up im normal now im going to try and gather my thoughts about gomens 2 coherently

[jadenvargen]

Idk if youve made a post like this but any m4m animes/mangas you recommend? Im trying to find stuff thats not overly romance focused or like. Idol groupey?? Like ikemen. Also watched kaiji because I saw your art and my soul hurts from the first arc alone

IM SORRY FOR THAT KAIJI IS SO MUCH uhm... i think i know what you mean? i don’t read too many gay manga( bcs i have hard time finding ones i like also😭) but there’s some i really recommend! Been a while since I read some of these so I’ll try my best to warn but I might have forgotten something ;; ! anyway I have a few to reccomend!

Shimanami Tasogare

you’ve probably heard of it, it gets recced a lot, but it’s for a reason. It weaves an expert narrative, focusing on a small community of LGBT+ (an older gay man, a pair of lesbian wives, a transgender bicyclist, the mysterious agender leader, and a young child who’s unsure of their gender identity and presentation) people and how they navigate the world. Its POV character is a young closeted gay man struggling with self acceptance, and finds family and love within this group. 

warnings:

Homophobia, Bullying, Transphobia as central and constant, but also mentioned suicidal ideation, pedophilia, parental abuse, as well as cancer.

What did you eat yesterday?

If you’re not much for romance, this one’s definitely for you! Not to say the romance isn’t there- it’s just very casual. A fun and honest tale about a gay odd couple and their day to day struggles, from light to major, told with the help of food recipes that they eat for dinner every day. Very comfy. Also has a delightful live action show!

warnings: Homophobia, grindr-esque fatphobia at times, domestic abuse(one of the men is a lawyer and deals with lots of types of cases), and the biggest one would be a bad bit in Chapter 2 where a woman thinks our protagonist is going to assault her while he thinks she may be homophobic. I would honestly skip this chapter. 

Hare no Hi

A one-shot about a gay divorced dad learning his son is gay too, and struggling to know how to help him. Since it’s so short, I won’t say more but I think it’s really amazing!

warnings:

the son has a crush on the dad’s friend, who’s an adult. this isn’t encouraged by him or anything(in fact explicitly rejected) but warning just to be safe!

I hear the sunspot/ Hidamari ga Kikoeru

A HoH university student recruits the help of a go-getter shonen protag classmate to take notes, and their friendship and feelings for each other develop along the way. It’s more about the HoH guy’s struggles to fit in and what to do in life, and how to fit in a relationship in all that. I’m not HoH myself, so while I cannot definitely decide if it’s perfect representation by any means, I think the story and characters are very real and wonderful to follow. 

(The reading order is all out of whack for a lot of chapters uploaded though so I’d reccommend checking a read order thing before starting lol...Also, the last chapter is gone from most scan sites for some reasons, but just searching “chapter 29″ should lead to plenty of downloads.)

warnings: ableism, bullying

Blue flag:

Not my personal favourite, but a lot of people swear by it! Different strokes, so it might be for you. Basically: Boy likes Girl, who Likes Boy’s friend, who Likes Boy, then other complicated factors start to enter the picture. It’s a sort of relationship drama between every character in their large friend group. 

warnings: homophobia, bullying, sexual assault mention, i think i remember some weird homophobic rhetoric that was like endorsed but maybe i’m mixing things up, katy perry and taylor swift pro gay mixtape.

not a lot because i’m kind of picky and i tend not to like a lot of what i read ;_; a lot of gay stuff is just bad yaoi, hard bara which is fine but not like.. a story lol. or like.. super focused on highschoolers and i don’t care for that. some general lgbt manga i’d reccomend other would be: 

double house (character study of trans woman cis woman roomates.. and then more:) ) 

i wanna be your girl!(cis girl in love with her real girl childhood friend but struggling if these feelings mean she’s invalidating her gender but Actually she’s just bi... the t girl is straight though so be warned.) 

Ohana Holoholo (2 ex girlfriends become roommates to raise the child of one of them, and rediscover old feelings along the way.)

Koi Ga Ochitara is explicit, 18+ but if you’re an adult gay man it is. Somehow very touching and relatable.

[lucifer-kane]

The only thing Rain and I have been talking about on and off for the last like week is still the “Darius and Alador marriage for tax benefits and Darius’ weird childhood crush that has continued into adulthood. Featuring Aro Alador” Some highlights:

In the house after like a good year or two Darius gets shortened to "da." He's totally cool about being called Da. He's stone faced when it's first said and the second he's alone in the bathroom he's sobbing. Its how you get what you want in the house. You walk up to him, make an impossible request but you tag on a "da" on it and he'll fold just a little bit more. 

OK so small old men hc is they sleep in the same bed together(part of the contract. And it's also spotty Alador does tend to stay up) but it's one of those bigass California kings so incase of of the four traumatized teens come in they can find somewhere to lay down. They don't cuddle except for when one or the other wakes up mid nightterror bc of everything that's happened. Because I can make a case for Daruius not wanting Aldaor anywhere near him while he sleeps because that man  would sweat. He's old and white he gets sleep sweats. 

Also -sides you Daruis has a peacock palesmen hc then passes out to sleep.- 

Daruis busting into the Clawthorn-Whispers-Noceda household (no they will NOT shorten the name) and asking Raine how to get boy tape™️ for his boy who is transgender and he is sick of washing Hunter's nasty ass binders he wears for a week straight. 

I have a soft moment between old men. Maybe not the old moment that weird the kids out but a moment where they're both laying in bed and Alador is just talking in circles about Abomination science or whatever and Daruis is on his scroll.

At one point Alador just stops talking prompting Daruis to raise an eyebrow "whyd you stop?" "You're not listening."

Sighing Daruis puts down his scroll and turns to face him, "you were talking about abominations structural stability if in a beast form instead of Humanoid." And alador is there just agape that someone was listening while Daruis smirks.

"Just because I wasn't looking doesn't mean I wasn't paying attention. Now. Talk." And Alador does, emphatically.

I think the old men should lay in bed and scroll though fantasy grindr together. Aldaor is learning so much about what other people find romatically/sexually attractive. Alador is aro but not ace and HARDCORE judges anything Darius picks bc 'you could do better'. He could but also they get into a discussion about what Daruis finds attractive (like 60% Alador traits) but then he swipes yes on some guy who Alador questions why and Daruis reply "abs" "....I don't have those." "You don't count, you're an infectious crush from middle school that won't go away." 

"You're like a parasite I have a deep parasocial relationship with" "Is that a good thing or a bad thing" "It means I love you and it's weird" Alador: Shrugs. Works for me. Love ya too Darius: Combusts

He would just like crumple at I love yous huh.

Alador doesn't say it a lot, Darius more writes it on notes he slips into Alador's lunch and when they part in the mornings

[pebblethief]

regretting my tinder experiment for dumb weird reasons i will vent about in here bc this is too much for one tiny brain to keep inside entirely

tl;dr  i was just like “idk maybe i should try it” and now ive got ALL THESE THOUGHTS and its annoying and id like it to go away lol

triiiied to organise this?

i have caught Feelings. not for anyone in particular but my “random spikes of Lonely” have now become an unpleasant beast on my shoulder

but also weirdly im like.....can i even be fucking bothered? is this worth it? tinder fucking sucks

its got me questioning what i even want in a “gotta do fucking soul searching now” kind of way. like yes ultimately what i want is the same: basically a very good friend who i occasionally get to fuck? lol. which is basically what most long term relationships *are*. but do i actually care about the romance stuff? idk! maybe i actually just want friends and to get over my hookup issues. maybe i want something more open. maybe the ‘hm what if /dont/ want romance much’ is actually Issues talking? idfk!

so now i gotta soul search i guess. which is fucking lame and annoying

maybe i am just being an anxious dweeb about the whole Getting To Know people sort of stuff lol

maybe im being all ‘gonna be alone forever so lets just throw some different reasons for that into the ring’

.

and all of this isnt bc im like.....frustrated at lack of matchs lmao.ive barely swiped on anyone! and i keep being fussy for weird reasons so the number ive done the good swipe on is way smaller!

and i panicked and immediately unmatched 2 of the 4 matches ive got so far lmfao oops (and one of them ive not replied to at all double oops)

so i have literally spoken to one (1) guy on there and true i didnt know him but i did know he was friends with some of my friends so already knew he is at least not awful

.

i just hate the *format* of tinder. theres so little info and i need to make a decision from this right now?? i cant go back and change my mind?? let me think about it damn!

i really do hate getting to know people so i am being picky bc sure youre hot but do you seem like youre worth me subjecting myself to smalltalk?

and bc there is so little info i keep thinking random qs like “does this guy seem like he might at least pretend to be interested when i go off on one about the oseberg tablet weaving find?” (if u strip the specifics this is important! i got niche interests id be miserable if i couldnt ramble!)

bumble isnt much better. grindr is a hellhole

.

[strange positives?]

WEIRDLY (for me), actually a lot of this is more “i dont want to compromise who i am as a person” and “hm i havent checked in on myself what i actually do want rn” vs like “im too awful i shouldnt even subject myself to this. the dudes swiping on everyone dont deserve to try and coax conversation out of me” if that makes sense?

i was expecting it to tank my self esteem but eh nah not really

even when dude was like ‘not quite sure im feeling a relationship here at the moment’? i was a bit mopey til i realised it didnt actually bug me (guess id just assumed it did and got mopey automatically??) and it hasnt changed our conversation style much other than we’re not trying to impress each other any more lmao (so its actually better now?)

I DONT KNOW

i was just like “idk maybe i should try it” and now ive got ALL THESE THOUGHTS and its annoying and id like it to go away lol

im hoping this bloodletting has released some of the circling in my brain

[bacchaebabe]

Instructions: Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better.

@platanosandprejudice ndfkksnjdjsjks i havent done one of these in YEARS. thank u though uwu

Gender:  in one of the many, complex myths around his birth, the god Dionysus was hidden away as a girl to keep him from Hera’s jealous eyes. he then grew up to be Extremely Pretty. this is unrelated to his gender which is complex and he’s often associated with trans people, but for the record i am a boy, i am very pretty, and i am probably not being hunted by Hera right now but if i WAS it would explain a lot. 

Star sign: Capricorn/Sagittarius im not on the cusp i just have 2 birthdays. its COMPLICATED.

Height: 5′6, literally the most uninteresting height ever. i do slouch a bit so im always shoved into the ‘short’ group but i am tall. i promise.

Sexuality: i am so gay that when i am mocked for being obviously LGBT, people usually go for that instead of the trans thing. but also im 18 i dont fucking know who im attracted to????

Hogwarts house: Hogwarts houses as a concept are fucking STUPID and i HATE THEM. “let’s define u by one major personality trait at age 11′ do you have RABIES???? i dont have a solid personality let alone one definining trait!!! also the slytherin house is stupid and was handled badly and its a terrible idea for a school! it is reductive, not conducive to learning, kind of an impossible concept to begin with and i hate it. ravenclaw or slytherin.

Favourite animal: snow leopards. or foxes. both are good. or bats!!!! bats are so cool. the fact they all have rabies is kind of part of the charm.

Average hours of sleep: depends. either 3 or 12 the only difference is if im posting fic that night

Current time: 10.13! a good time i think. i have things i am meant to be writing. this is a 3 hours of sleep night.

Dogs or cats: cats sorry its cats. its cats. dogs are too much.

Number of blankets you sleep with: 4? one is very thin but a good insulator, a douvet, a weighted blanket, and then a comfort one. i keep my window open for potential vampire suitors, so i need all the warmth.

Dream job: pay me to write fanfiction. ill do it anyway but if i got paid that would be nice. if not i guess i’ll continue with this speech and drama degree ig!

When I created this blog: 2020 but its my third tumblr.

Follower count: like... 7? the goth scene is, surprisingly, not super active on tumblr. i have more on my sideblog! im also a bit more active there tho i guess.

Why I made this blog: just got out of weird/bad relationship and was depressed and missed tumblr. also i wanted to blog about my opinions on hellenic paganism and then i decided they were TOO CONTROVERSIAL. so i did not. i also downloaded grindr at the same time and even though i deleted it like three days later i think getting back on tumblr was the bigger mistake.

How I came up with my URL: its an excellent verbal stim!! also, i had just picked the bacchae as one of the pieces for my drama exam after obsessing over it for years. please read the bacchae, is good literature. we stan dionysus here.

What do you love about yourself (can’t be something you do FOR others): i can read your tarot cards! fuck. i can read MY OWN tarot cards. i think thats very sexy of me. i also have a handful of poems and prose memorized ranging from like, the entirety of e.o.p’s The Raven to a first person monologue from a fanfiction i really liked that was better than the raven, i think. i never have the opportunity to deliver em but i like knowing that one day, maybe a troll or something will kidnap me and i will lull him to sleep with my stories of identity and weird birds.

What got you through middle school? If middle school wasn’t hard, what was that like?: fake iced coffee! the hot chocolate machine in our dorms was always broken, and i never ate the food they served bc it was gross as hell, so every meal time i used to stir in about six teaspoons of sugar and then one and a half teaspoons of instant coffee, and then i’d pour in milk and i’d have about two of those every meal, three times a day, and i didnt die of malnutrition so i think there’s probably more going on there than it seems.

anyway! i dont think i know ten people here but uhhhhh @glubbity @manormi if u follow me please do this im just too shy to tag anyone except my lovely mutuals who i am ALSO shy of. 

[bisluthq]

something i find so so interesting is the dichotomy in slash shipping between ferverent believers that this person/character is gay & the seemingly contradictory conservativism of those fringes. like kaylor is the victim of widespread homophobia but wokeness is the enemy. Spock and Kirk are gay but the problem with new Star Trek is its “cUlTuRaL mArXiSm” one of these days i will write a truly unhinged manifesto on the cultural politics of fandom spaces, like especially the inability to separate fiction from reality- the reason Voldemort is a slur is bc the lines of fantasy and reality are blurred.

I’d love to read that take but more than just blurring fantasy and reality I think it speaks to the lack of nuance. Like I agree that it’s weird you’d berate both homophobia and “wokeness” and that’s part of what I think makes these ships 1) everlasting and monogamous 2) appeal to like deeeeeply heterosexual people and a lot of young kids.

Not to generalize but queer culture isn’t just heteronormative dynamics translated to a same gender sex couple. Like that’s why people get upset with the “who’s the boy and who’s the girl?” question we get right? And queer folk often push at societal norms and expectations and have relationships that don’t simply mirror a traditional man/woman dynamic + secrecy.

So let me tell two stereotypes - and they are just stereotypes, many people don’t do this type of thing. Many queer women DO U-Haul but also date within the same friend group which is weird but like... true. Like the odds of you going 0 to 100 with another woman are high. The odds of you both dating mutuals after you break up? Also high. It’s weird.

Many queer men do tend to keep shit casual and aren’t monogamous for ages. It doesn’t make their relationship less important but for a gay homie to delete Grindr likely means he and boyf are about to get marriedz and have been together for ages.

Once people have kids it’s even more complicated because it is fairly common for surrogates and donors get involved and it like... takes a village.

Queer culture is complicated and nuanced and not like hetty culture? And obvi there are massive exceptions. Same as how some hetty couples have complicated dynamics. And some queer couples do just meet at high school or college and live a very unconfusing paired penguin life.

But queer culture is a thing. And it’s often missing in slash shipper land. The most glaring example of it for me is Larry. Like fandom Larry doesn’t sound like any pair of gay boys I’ve ever known. Monogamous since 16 but pretending to date other people? Never take breaks? Forced into having a bébé? Like none of it sounds even vaguely real. To me the most masc queer culture song I’d heard in ages is Sam Smith’s Young. They’re not a boy obvi but it’s that masc queer dynamic which is like the OPPOSITE of what they try and pin on Larry lmao.

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar